no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
