i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
