after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Randomize
