Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
