doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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