so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
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