We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
