I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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