apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Randomize
