No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize
