i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Randomize
