I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
