My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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