i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
