1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Randomize
