I am puke
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
