I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
