If i come over, it means nothing
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
