i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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