Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
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