Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
