Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
And my parents said I crawled through the house
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
