Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
