I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
