I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
