She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Randomize
