No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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