don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I think I sprained my soul last night
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Randomize
