recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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