im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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