Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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