Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
