Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
