she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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