I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Randomize
