But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
