The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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