I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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