I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
