3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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