I just saw a hot homeless man
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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