If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
