ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
