Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Couch. On fire.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
