I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
