my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
handjob tips. give me some.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I supernannyed him into submission
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
