We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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