i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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