We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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