Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
