Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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