I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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