I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
