Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
